I have come to the conclusion that the New England Patriots must think of all of us as the most uninformed, gullible saps in modern history.
Yesterday, the Pats released a 20000 word rebuttal called wellsreportcontext.com. Sadly, as part of my every day, day to day, because we have been talking about it so much, I felt compelled to crack the seal and read this version of events from the New England Patriots. By doing so, my conclusion is that this team truly believes that we are all dummies.
Let’s get to exhibit one your honour…the one where Jim McNally refers to himself as ‘The Deflator’. The Patriots explained that reference by McNally of himself as a man trying to lose weight. As a man who recently lost 50 pounds, I never have thought of myself as ‘The Deflator’, but to each their own. I just find it offensive that this football club, who wouldn’t make this chap available to answer that very question to Ted Wells, made sure that they had the answer to the very question that Wells wanted answered front and centre. This report reeks so bad I thought I was struck down by a manure truck.
Then the Nobel Scientist was brought in, the one who was able to bring clarity to why the footballs could have been deflated. Did I tell you he was a Nobel Scientist…from the great state of Massachusetts? Did I mention that Pats owner Robert Kraft is a key stakeholder in his company? I thought that was completely allowed after this team, and Brady’s agent Don Yee spent the better part of the past week putting the reputation of Harvard Law School Graduate and one of America’s best criminal attorneys Ted Wells into the sewer.
I see your Nobel Scientist and raise you a Harvard Lawyer.
Thank you New England, for saying that you were going to accept the penalties handed down by the NFL, and then systematically going after every aspect of the penalties assessed. What happened, were your fingers crossed the whole time.
The NFL is in worse shape today than it was a week ago when this report was issued. The Wells report wasn’t a report on deflated balls; it was a report on character, and clearly Mr. Wells had it right because New England is demonstrating the level of BS that it will stoop to in showing us that they were right.
This is the part where monkeys fly out of my butt.