The idea of “perfect” love has changed.
That’s according to Lisa Strohschein, an Associate Professor Social Structure and Policy at University of Alberta.
She joined The Jon McComb Show to talk about the changing trends in love.
“The reasons why people go into the marriage, and the meanings that it holds for them have really changed over time. And so, it used to be just a few centuries ago that people got married not because of love or not because of the idea you were going to find your soulmate, but rather to meet the needs of your family or your kinship group.”
20th century love
Strohschein explains that things have changed since the 20th century, and have shaped where we are today.
“As we’ve gone into the 20th century this idea of people marring for love has really taken hold. I would say in the last decade or so, there has been this other shift that’s happened and that is that people are delaying marriage, they want to finish school first, they want to accomplish other things, and sometimes they become parents and then marriage is the last thing that they do.”
Listen to the full interview here:
Looking for a match
Strohschein says love doesn’t work the way it once did and that people are more aware of who they want as a partner. Instead of figuring it out later, they want to have it figured out before they settle down.
“People do know themselves better. And the idea is it’s kind of a twist – right? It used to be that you’d say ‘well I’m going to find a partner and then we’re going to journey through life together and we’ll figure things out.’ That’s not so much the case anymore. You have a very set idea when you’re going out to look for a partner”.
More and more difficult to find that special someone
“The problem with that is it becomes that much harder to actually find that person. You’ve kind of set up such high expectations for who a person should be, that it might be harder for you to find that person.”
Here comes the narcissism
This is where the big problem pops up. Strohschein says most people are looking to find a mirror image of themselves, but people are not going to find the perfect partner who fits every part of their criteria.
“And that’s where the narcissism part comes in. You really are just looking to marry someone who’s the counterpart to yourself. You don’t find a partner who just matches every single criteria that you’re looking for.”
Strohschein says marriage still matters, saying that every Canadian will probably be married at some point in their lives.
“Surely. That’s the thing. We are absolutely enthralled with finding our soul mates. We think most of us, we will find that partner and we hope to settle down with that partner. Fewer of us are actually marrying that partner, but throughout our lifetime just about every single Canadian will be married at some point in their life.”
Is there a perfect marriage?
Perfect marriage? It’s still being figured out, explains Strohschein.
“What is a perfect marriage? I think Canadian’s are still trying to figure that one out.”